


"Of Course"

by ruthmakesstuff (orphan_account)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, and it isn't Hawke/Anders, assault happens off-screen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 16:07:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4398449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ruthmakesstuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke has to get something off her chest about an incident from her past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Of Course"

“Anders, can I talk to you about something?”

“Of course,” Anders said casually, before he looked at her face. She was chewing on her bottom lip, and looked incredibly nervous. “Love,” he said, more slowly, “what’s wrong?”

He was worried about her. They’d been curled up in bed together a few nights earlier when suddenly she’d gone all flinch-y at his touch. He left her that night and slept in the spare room, not offended, but to give her some space. He wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do or not, and he wasn’t sure if it was his fault, but they hadn’t spoken about it since, and he couldn’t help but notice that she’d continued to seem withdrawn since.

A pause.

“I… need to tell you about something. From before we met.”

He didn’t say anything, but nodded at her gently, letting her press on in her own time.

“When I was on the run from the Templars, before the Blight, something happened.”

She sat down, suddenly, and said “fuck” under her breath. She sounded like she was on the verge of tears. Anders sat down beside her, and went to put his arm around her. He hesitated, remembering, but she leaned into him without looking at him, and he wrapped his arm around her waist.

“There was a farmhand. An older man. Not – not old-old. But a few years older than me. I was _so impressed_ by his interest in me. I was barely a teenager, and to me he seemed so… mature, adult.” A sigh, and then, bitterly “I was so stupid.”

Anders could see where this was going, and his heart sank. Elaborate revenge fantasies started conjuring themselves at the back of his head, but he held them back. The aggression of another man was not what Hawke needed to feel better right now.

“You weren’t stupid. And you don’t have to keep telling me this, not if you don’t want to.”

“Do you not want me to tell you?” She still wasn’t looking at him, staring into the middle-distance, her voice now thick with tears.

He paused, unsure how best to respond. “I’m here for you, whatever you want to tell me, or not tell me.”

“We courted for a while. I thought he really liked me. And then, one night…” She stopped, and it didn’t look as if she was going to carry on. Then, just as Anders was about to speak, “he forced himself on me.”

Though he’d known it before she said, hearing the words broke his heart. He’d never felt such a mix of anger and despair – he knew there was nothing he could do now to fix this, and he felt so painfully helpless.

Hawke felt him stiffen beside her, and she suddenly worried about what he could be thinking – would he see her as unclean now? Defiled?

A sob broke from her, and once it had started she couldn’t stop.

“He – and I – and I didn’t say _no_ \- I just – I froze – and he – I couldn’t – but I didn’t _want_ to.”

Anders shushed her, gently, and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

“It’s okay, love, it’s okay. You’re here, with me, and you’re safe.”

This seemed to spark another flood of tears. She looked at him for the first time since they’d started this conversation, and saw in his face only love and concern.

She kissed him, suddenly desperate, but the way he kissed her back was only tender and sweet – he matched none of her ferocity. The move surprised him, certainly, but he understood that he had no way of knowing how she felt right now – but the last thing he wanted to do was push her, even if - _especially_ if - she was pushing herself.

She turned away and took a moment to compose herself, hiccupping while she did, before asking Anders: “Can we just – will you hold me? Just lay here with me.”

“Of course,” he replied, a gentler echo of when he had said it before.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you, too.”


End file.
